are you still at the devil's house?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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