Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
