so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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