It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
