Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
