I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
