I murdered the dance floor call the cops
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
