I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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