4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
