just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
