I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
