There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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