I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
