there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
