Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
