4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
