i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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