woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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