Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
