I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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