I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
