she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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