he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
