hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
50% drunk capacity currently
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
