some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
