Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
