I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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