I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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