Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
