Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
