Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
