My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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