first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
