my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
