i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
