she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
please come you make the beer taste better
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
