found the other keg... it's in the tree
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Are we still banned from the library?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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