make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
