Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
