what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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