What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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