I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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