i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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