it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
