Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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