Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
