I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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