my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
