you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
