Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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